It is no accident, Ma, that the comma resembles a fetus – that curve of continuation … (Ocean Vuong )

I’ve written at length on this site about losing my partner of 43 years last April. Before that, however, on this day one year ago, my mother, Lorna Spencer Hedges, crossed over at age 97 at her home in Santa Barbara, California. Her terminal decline had been extremely precipitous. I was fortunate to be able to fly out from Colorado in time to help with her care during her last few days and to be present at her bedside, stroking her hair, as she drew her final breath.

There’s not much that I want to say here about my mother’s life other than that she was a remarkable woman by any measure, widely appreciated and admired for her energy and gracious charm, and for her avid support of the fine arts and arts education in her community. Her greatest gift, in my opinion, was her ability to form strong, mutually caring relationships with the people around her. She will be long remembered as someone who brought a little light to a lot of lives.

I’m afraid, though, that things weren’t always so copacetic when it came to dealing with a difficult daughter. Our relationship was rather enmeshed when I was a child, and nothing if not complicated once I was an adult. Still, for all the contention that could arise between us, there was genuine love, and that love prevailed through all the bullshit to bring us to that final intimacy as she slipped away.

The following poem is based in part on a vivid dream that I had while sleeping in the room next to Mom’s the morning that she passed. In it, I was approaching an underwater cave when I saw a pair of hands emerge, releasing a large golden fish wearing my mother’s face. It rushed by me, as if eager to hit the open water, and then my visual field shifted to a panoramic view of an endless aquamarine sea. I awoke to realize that my mother’s time was imminent. And indeed, she and I were both letting go as she drew her final breath a half hour later; with me whispering I love you – I love you – I love you in her ear, knowing that those were the words she most wanted and needed to hear:

FOR LORNA

You slipped from my grasping hands
                                                         like a fish
In the running stream

Beneath my gaze and out of sight
A final sigh
                 dissolving in the open air

That love is forever, Mom. May your journey in that infinite sea be tranquil and full of wonder …

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